Ashes, a poem for FIN2
Ashes, a poem for FIN2. Another piece for the Bard in the winter of her
discontent. Discontent? That is putting it rather mildly! The Bard's
heart is torn to shreds, her soul screams, rages against the dark night.
Over and over she has fought to keep the Warrior alive. Over and over
the Warrior gave up and gave in, but the Bard was always there to save
her, to hold her when the nightmares woke her. To pull her back from the
brink when her spirits sank and all she could think of were the horrible
sins of her past, the horrors of the life awaiting her after death. Only
Gabrielle kept Xena on this side for so long. Then one day even the Bard
could not save her. Now the nightmares that haunted the Warrior are
nothing compared to the night-and-day-mares that threaten to overwhelm
Gabrielle. Written for an unfinished fan fiction set in the Aftermath of
FIN2.
Ashes
Once upon our time together
was the only reality for me,
and the dark nights filled with nightmares
were chased away by the love in your arms,
in your voice, in your eyes.
Now that reality is but a memory, a fantasy.
But the nightmare is there
no matter where I am,
no matter what I do,
dreaming I'm awake,
screaming when I am.
Day and night, night after night,
day after day, I am living in a nightmare.
Living that is no living,
trapped in this night-and-day-mare.
And the terrors of the noonday sun
and the horrors of the deep midnight
are but pale and dim reflections
of this darkness that I face
in the absence of your light.
It's not that I begrudge the
hard-won price of your redemption.
You know how much I love you and
you know I want you to be happy.
But, tell me, Xena, tell me, will you,
are you happy, are you fulfilled?
Now that you're redeemed?
Now that you are gone?
Now that all my hopes
and dreams for us
are so much dust,
so much sand,
so much ash like dirt
in this jar in my hand?
Part of me hopes I can
resist the urge to follow you
as quickly as I can.
But part of me thinks that mercy would insist,
that surely love should demand
that nothing in this world or the next
in the way of our reunion stand.
That neither life nor death,
neither lesser nor greater good,
nor highest god nor goddess,
angel, demon or man,
no power on, above or below the earth
should nor would ever come between us.
That no one in this world or the next
will ever take you from me or me from you,
not ever ever again.
Copyright © 2003 bamaxena
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