Her Last Scroll, poems from fan fiction, set after SAC2
Herein lies the further telling of the tale
of the Warrior Princess,
Xena,
searching for heart, her Bard, Gabrielle.
Rendered as it was
found
on an old weathered scroll,
this tale that I tell
is the
tale that it told...
Thus opened every chapter of The Look In Her Eyes, my (still) unfinished fan fic. I tend to slide into and out of poetry, the poetic form gliding into lyrical prose and back again, and that certainly happened all through The Look. I'd be in the middle of writing a scene when suddenly I'd realize that the cadence and meter is definitely not prose any more and I surrender to the text's demands.
The poems below are two such cases, both from The Look In Her Eyes. I was typing away in a scene on board a mysterious ship, with Xena descending into madness in a tailspin of despair after the (supposed) death of Gabrielle at the end of SAC2. After a shipboard fight, a certain leather bag had gotten dislodged from its place and a certain scroll had rolled out of it. All of the sailors were terrified of Xena. All except an old man who was rather partial to the warrior -- and the only friend she had among the crew, though she didn't know it yet -- retrieved both bag and scroll and returned them to her. A scroll the bard had written the night before that fateful day in the temple. The last scroll she had written, in fact. And the last scroll the bard ever wrote, she wrote to her beloved warrior. And Xena had not looked at, had barely been able to touch, had not been ready to read that last scroll.
Until now.
The men moved away and filed through the door leading to the hold, where they could talk without her hearing--and without seeing her standing there, a brooding shadow in the darkness.
Xena stood watching the waves. She still held the scroll in her hands. Xena looked at the scroll, ran a trembling finger down the curved edge of the still rolled and tied scroll. She saw a torch where the men had left it, still lit. She walked over to it, brought it back to the shadows, set it in a holder, and it cast its flickering light into the shadows. She took the tie in her hand, the tie so like the tie that bound them. The tie stronger than blood. And stronger than death. She stared at the scroll a long heart pounding moment before she untied it.
And unrolled it.
And read what it said.
<<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>>
Xena,
my best friend,
my family, my home.
My Xena.
There's so much I want to say to you, Xena.
And there's so little time.
If you are reading this,
then there was no other way.
I tried to find another,
but there was only this way.
Please read these words I've written
and hear my voice,
and feel my love,
and know that I'd be with you
if only there were any way.
I'm watching the campfire and praying.
I'm praying the way I always pray
before we go into battle, Xena.
I pray you'll find a way
to win this fight.
I pray you'll find a way
to end our dark night.
I pray that when we fight
for the Greater Good,
that we'll win
and leave
together,
the way we fought,
the way we stood.
If I should ever be given the chance
to live my life over,
if I could see it all in a glance,
I would give up everything again
just to follow you
like I did before.
Just to be with you,
to walk beside you once more.
You're everything I ever wanted.
You're everything I ever had.
Please understand, Xena.
I have the gift of prophecy.
And I have seen what
our Fate holds.
You always laughed
at my visions;
but once, not so long ago
in the not-too distant past,
I told you of a vision,
and you didn't laugh,
you listened.
And you did as I asked.
And my vision
saved your life then.
I ask you now
as I asked you another
time so long ago,
please, Xena, please,
please, don't strike the blow.
Once you owed a debt so great
that you were willing
to give up everything
because of love.
And I lied to you,
I betrayed you,
I almost cost you your life.
Darkest Evil had taken hold in me.
Evil grew in me,
took birth from me,
and now the Darkest of Evils
may enter this world
because of me.
I owe a debt now
that will cost me
everything.
But I cannot let you die, Xena,
I can't live without you,
The world needs you.
I cannot let you die,
my love for you is too great.
I cannot let you die
for a debt I made
in hate.
You'll ask yourself,
Why?
Love is the answer, Xena.
Love...
and forgiveness.
Remember me, Xena,
forgive me.
And remember your promise.
And remember:
Love is why
you must live...
and why I
must die.
With all the love in my heart,
more than words can ever tell,
Your best friend,
your home,
your family,
your beloved Bard,
~~ Gabrielle ~~
<<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>>
She held the scroll in her hands,
and traced the name with her finger.
Felt the parchment in her hands,
and tried to feel the presence of her.
In her words, in the ink on the parchment.
And that was when she saw it.
Up in the corner on the right,
when she held it in the light.
Up in the corner was a little ink stain,
and in the little ink stain
was the print of a thumb
where the bard's thumb had lain.
And that was when
she could no longer hold it in.
And she screamed and she screamed,
again and again.
And the men heard her scream,
as they plotted there below.
And she sobbed.
And she screamed.
And she made their terror grow.
<<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>>
Copyright © 1998 bamaxena
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