bamaxena, the mad warrior poet

Mad Warrior Poet will be moving soon

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 15:41:25 -0500

Mad Warrior Poet will be moving soon, well, when I get around to it. I've upgraded the blog to WordPress and the The Scroll's The Thing site and this one are next. As much as I love my little blogging app, Thingamablog, I had to make a decision since it looks like it's not going to be updated any time soon and with my new laptop and Vista...Well, I can use the old version, oddly, but not the newer one, and I'm tired of it republishing all my files when all I need to do is make one little change. So it's out with Thingamablog and in with WordPress.

Other news: The last couple of months have left me tired and worn out, but also excited and inspired. The Road Trip was exactly what this old Sagittarian needed. I am literally trembling with excitement, shivering in anticipation of what lies ahead. Keep your fingers crossed and say a little prayer to the gods for me. I'm gonna try to do some things I ain't never tried to do before. Well, actually, that Quest has already started. I drove all over the Wild West and saw places I've only read and dreamed about before. And heard birdsongs I've never heard before. And stood amidst landscapes I've only imagined before.

I'm gonna try to wring some poems and verse out of it. And tales. And some other things I'll tell you about later. Battle on, Xenites! See ya soon!

A little late night verse

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 01:05:04 -0500

I was reading and posting at one of my favorite forums yesterday and the talk turned to love, friendship and romance -- three of my favorite subjects! Seems a lot of folks are looking for love...and a lot of other folks have given up ever hoping to find it. As one who has had her share of experience in relationships -- some wonderful experiences and some awful ones -- I am generally drawn to such threads. And this time, I was really rather surprised by how many folks seem to have given up on love -- and how young they were! As I continued to read and reply, I began to hear these words in my head. I'll find an image for them later and make a graphic. (I have the screengrabs I made for the reviews, but I lost a ton of XWP images I had gathered over the years when one of my external hard drives crashed last week. Oy!)

Love isn't something you look for,
isn't something you find.
Love radiates from within
when your heart touches another's
and you give yourselves to each other
with all your
heart and
soul and
mind.

Ashes to Ashes, lyrics to a song for FIN II

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 05:45:05 -0500

July 30: Ashes to Ashes, a song for FIN II...naturally. I can't seem to think about much else these days. There are other poems on the site that deal with this same theme, but the other poems don't really lend themselves to the song form. For the lyrics I cut it down to the bone, down to the barest minimum of words to get across the main idea. I imagine Gabrielle being consumed with one thought in her grief and I think she would keep any writing short and bitter sweet. And angry. Hurt. Crushed. Thanks to Mike's Images for the screencap of Gabrielle from FIN II. MP3 256kps, 128kps, 64kps, 32kps. WMA 128kps. 48kps. Listen to more songs.

Ashes to Ashes,
Dust to Dust.
Ashes to Ashes,
Dust to Dust.
Ashes in my hand,
that's what I get for
learning to trust:
Ashes.
Ashes.
Ashes to Ashes,
Dust to Dust.
Ashes to Ashes,
Dust to Dust.
Ashes in my hand,
that's what I get for
learning to trust:
Ashes.
Ashes.
Ashes to Ashes,
Dust to Dust.

2007 bamaxena

MP3 256kps, 128kps, 64kps, WMA 128kps. 48kps. Read the lyrics. Listen to more songs. Read more lyrics.

Nowhere, a song for FIN II

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 24:06:06 -0500

Nowhere, a song for Gabrielle in the wake of FIN II, a song for a soul mate grieving. I continue to be haunted by the heartbroken bard. Listen to Nowhere: MP3 256kps, 128kps, 64kps. Listen to more songs.

You fought for the forty thousand,
look where it got you.
Look what they did to you.

You had thirty seconds,
look how you spent them.
Looked me in the eyes,
and you lied.

Now I ain't goin' nowhere
without the warrior.
I ain't goin' nowhere
soon.

It was not the first time
that you ever left me.
It was just the last time
you did.

You left me believing
we would soon be leaving.
I thought you'd be coming back
to me.

Now I ain't goin' nowhere
without the warrior.
I ain't goin' nowhere
soon.
I ain't goin' nowhere
without you.

It was not the first time
that you ever left me.
It was just the last time...

2007 bamaxena

MP3 256kps, 128kps, 64kps. Listen to more songs.

On the Battlefield, lyrics, a song for the fallen

Tue, 29 May 2007 19:36:44 -0500

MP3 256kps, 128kps, 96kps, WMA 128kps. My favorite TV show is about a warrior who slaughtered innocent and not-so-innocent people by the thousands. She is my favorite character and the tales of her adventures, of her struggles, victories and defeats, fill my dreams and very nearly my every waking moment. Yet I remain ambivalent about war, about the use of violence to achieve salutary aims, and about the dangerously seductive idea of victory by any means, peace at any cost. Far from being annoyed with the Bard as she struggled with her own conscience as she searched for her way, I identified with the Gabrielle of the fourth season very strongly. I suppose I shall never be able to rid myself of the voice I always here in my half-unwilling ear. The one that whispers, "She who lives by the sword..." Part of me wants to embrace the Way of the Warrior with a courageous heart and hands brandishing gleaming bronze. But a part of me always contemplates the waste. And I cannot help but mourn all the lives that have ever been and ever will be lost...On The Battlefield.

On The Battlefield

The Ancient Greeks of yesterday,
they fought a lot of wars
and they had a way
of fighting man to man,
look you in the eye,
and the greatest honor
was the way they died
on the battlefield.

I wonder what they
would think of us now
if they could only imagine how
we can kill a lot of people,
never look them in the eye
and the greatest shame
is the way they die
on the battlefield.

Copyright © 2007 bamaxena

Many thanks to Mike's Images for permission to use his screencaps.

In honor of all who have given their lives — or have had their lives taken — down through the ages. MP3 256kps, 128kps, 96kps, WMA 128kps. Thanks to Mike's Images for the screencap from Endgame which I chose for the graphic you'll see below.

Waves, lyrics for a song for The Debt I, audio added

Sat, 31 Mar 2007 22:29:43 -0500

Added July 1: Listen to Waves: MP3 256kps, 128kps, 96kps, 64kps. WMA 128kps, 48kps. Listen to more songs.

This scene from The Debt has haunted me since the moment I saw it back in 1997. The show itself gives us Xena's memories of Lao Ma and their days together as the ship carried her toward Chin. But it always seemed to me that Xena would also be thinking of what — and who — she was leaving behind. You can almost hear the waves in the rhythm of the lines.

Back in 1998 when I first wrote this song, I asked the xenite community for help: I needed pics of Xena on the ship and as usual the response was overwhelming and greatly appreciated. We even had a little contest on the NetForum to see if anyone could identify the ep and scene that inspired the song, but I don't recall that anyone got it exactly right which surprised me. But it was a fun little experiment. Note: I am indebted to Mike's Images for the shot of Xena standing on the ship watching the waves. Thanks, Mike! The recording here is an entirely different arrangement and vocal, recorded, edited and uploaded today, July 1 2007.

Waves...a song for THE DEBT I
I am standing on a ship,
I am watching the waves,
watching waves as they carry me,
carry me away from the one I love,
from the one who loves me.
From the one I love more than I’ve ever loved anyone.
From the one who loves me more than I’ve ever been loved.

I am standing on a ship,
I am watching the waves,
watching sunlight sparkle, sparkling on the waves.
I remember sunlight, and firelight.
So many nights, and so many days.
Everywhere I look, every voice I hear.
Everywhere I look, I see memories of her.
Every voice I hear, I wish it were hers.

Standing on a ship, watching waves,
watching waves as they carry me away.
And my heart prays that one day

I will be standing on a ship,
I will be watching the waves,
watching waves as they carry me,
carry me...back to the one I love,
back to the one who loves me.
To the one I love more than I’ve ever loved anyone,
to the one who loves me more than I’ve ever been loved.

I am standing on a ship,
I am watching the waves,
carry me...

Lyrics, Copyright © 1998 and 2007 bamaxena

Listen to Waves: MP3 256kps, 128kps, 96kps, 64kps. WMA 128kps, 48kps. Listen to more songs.

A Warrior's Song, lyrics, formerly known as Last Waltz

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 04:28:25 -0500

A Warrior's Song: Dedicated in Loving Memory of Kevin Smith, March 16 1963 - February 15, 2002. Listen to A Warrior's Song: MP3 256kps, 128kps, 96kbs or WMA. More original XWP songs by bama. This is a completely new version of a song I wrote in 1999, called "Lay Me Down". I re-worked it once before in 2003, re-titled it "Last Waltz" and dedicated it to the memory of Kevin Smith. Now I've recorded this new version of it, keeping my original lyrics, but setting it to totally different music, so it's no longer a waltz at all. Read about Kevin Smith at the Wiki Free Encyclopedia.

A Warrior's Song
Formerly known as Last Waltz
A song for an unfinished fan fic

Prepare a Bed both narrow and deep,
where I and my True Love may sleep.
And when you lay me down
for to take my last rest...
lay her head upon my breast.
My eyes may never look into hers again,
nor her sweet warmth my arms enfold.
But if you are a friend,
then you'll lay her close...
to keep away the cold.

Chorus:
Don't bury me in my armor
when I have taken my very last breath.
Just lay me in a bed
in the arms of my lover.
The tie that binds is stronger than death.
So much stronger than death.

My eyes may never look into hers again.
Nor her sweet warmth my arms enfold.
But if you are a friend, then lay her close...
to keep her away from the cold.
Prepare a Bed both narrow and deep,
where I and my True Love may sleep.
And when you lay me down to take my last rest...
Lay her sweet head upon my breast.
Our love was stronger than death.
The tie that binds is stronger than death.
So much stronger than death.
The ties that bind us are stronger than death.
Love is strong, much stronger than death...
So much stronger than death.

Music and lyrics: Copyright © 1999 and 2003 bamaxena

Listen to A Warrior's Song: MP3 256kps, 128kps, 96kbs or WMA. More original XWP songs by bama.

Rain in my face, a song for FIN II, lyrics

Sun, 04 Mar 2007 22:39:55 -0600

"With the rain in my face and a sword in my hand...", a new song for FIN II: MP3 256KBS, 128KBS, 96KBS, or WMA 128KBS. More audio. Read the lyrics. Visit Raq's World for more stunning graphics like the wallpaper I borrowed to illustrate this song. :) Lyrics below. Written for FIN II, Rain in my face recalls the scene where Gabrielle searches for Xena through the pouring rain -- and then finds her -- and I am not going into any detail here about what she finds. Still gives me nightmares. The song also refers to the scene where we see Gabrielle, now an angry and determined Samurai warrior, fighting with a sword and beating the crap out of the swine that killed her soul mate. This one's for you, Gabrielle. Go get 'em, girl! Bring back your beloved! We're here for you! bama :)

Rain, a song for FIN II

With the rain in my face
and a sword in my hand,
I'll do what I have to.
I'll do what I can.
With the rain in my face
and a sword in my hand,
I'll do what I have to.
to be with you again.

With the rain in my face
and a sword in my hand,
I'll do what I have to.
I'll do what I can.
With the rain in my face
and a sword in my hand,
gonna do what I have to.
to be with you again.
To be with you again.
To be with you again.

2007 bamaxena

Listen to Rain in my face, a new song for FIN II: MP3 256KBS, 128KBS, 96KBS, or WMA 128KBS.

Oblivion, a very short verse for SAC2 and a fan fic

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 09:42:01 -0600

Oblivion is a very short verse, well, two verses, written for SAC2 and also for a character in The Look In Her Eyes, an XWP fan fic. Listen to Oblivion, WMA file. Hear bama bardwannabe barding in her creepy bardy psuedo-Alti voice. *G* My very sore & hoarse voice, and a very tiny delay on the dub, made for a mildly spooky effect. I'm re-doing this one and Spirits of Evil. I'll post 'em when they're ready. Listen to Oblivion, WMA file.

Oblivion, Chant for a Chorus

Oblivion oblivion
has so much to offer,
has so much to give.

Oblivion oblivion,
when you can't seem to die,
and you don't want to live.

Copyright © 1998 bamaxena

Hope Invokes the Spirits of Evil, a poem chant for SAC2 and a fan fic

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 09:32:01 -0600

Hope Invokes the Spirits of Evil is a poem from the cutting room floor, originally written for Hope and another character in "The Look In Her Eyes", a piece of XWP fanfic set after SAC2. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa! Blessed be! Audio file on the way.

Hope Invokes the Spirits of Evil

Spirits of Evil, Spirits of Darkness!
Fly over the mountains
and down to the sea!
Spirits of Evil, Spirits of Darkness!
They're coming for you,
and they're coming for me!

Spirits of Evil, Spirits of Darkness!
Born of the Fire,
and born of the Blood!
Spirits of Evil, Spirits of Darkness!
Trample their goodness
in the dirt, in the mud!

Spirits of Evil, Spirits of Darkness!
Fly over the mountains,
and cover the land!
Spirits of Evil, Spirits of Darkness!
Their world is finished,
our Kingdom is at hand!

Copyright © 1998 bamaxena

The Ocean Between Us, a poem for The Rift

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 09:04:06 -0600

Ocean arose out of my musings on what our beloveds were going through during the time of the (d)Rift. Hearts are easily torn apart, easily shattered. And healing can take a long, long time. I think Gabrielle would have sat with her quill many a dark night writing her soul onto her scrolls, hoping against hope for love's reuniting. I wrote the following for her, since she is not here to share with us her heart's longings. May their reunion be swift and eternal. (Originally posted on the NetForum in 1998.)

Ocean between us...a poem for The Rift

An ocean lies between us.
Not an ocean of water,
not the sea with its waves
crashing and roaring,
dashing ships and lives and dreams
upon lonely shores;
on desolate, empty shores.

An ocean lies between us.
Not an ocean of space,
not the heavens arching over us
where starfire burns,
and planets wander
along a lonely course;
a desolate, empty course.

An ocean lies between us.
Not an ocean of time,
not the passing of moments
that brings the cold
to once warm hearts,
now lonely as before;
desolate and empty as before.

Not an ocean of time nor space
nor of all the worlds' waters
has brought us here,
but the loss of two lives
-- your son, my daughter --
has led us here,
destroyed our lives,
and our hearts,
and our trust,
and destroyed us.
For an OCEAN of
LIES has come between us.

1998 bamaxena.

Leather and Lace, original lyrics for a song for Return of Callisto

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 01:08:24 -0600

Leather and Lace: A song I wrote for Return of Callisto. I wrote this song using another penname, someone else's title, and someone else's image for someone else's characters to sing. And sorta ripped off, er, borrowed an idea from someone else's poem too. Gotta love it. *G* Sadly, the official canon did not allow X&G to grow old together, so this song, though very hopeful in itself, is always very sad to me. I really do love the thought of those two old women, kvetching and griping and arguing together forever! One loooong day in the lifetimes... *Sigh*

I may get around to posting an audio file of it...before I'm an old woman. No, wait, it's too late! *G* bama :)

Leather and Lace

When I am an old woman,
I shall wear...leather!
And ride bare on horseback.
And laugh without stopping
to feel the wind in my face.
When I am an old woman,
I shall wear leather.
And remember...
your face.

When I am an old woman,
I shall wear lace
and spend all of my days
dreaming memories of you.
When I am an old woman,
I shall wear lace and never wear leather.
And remember...
your face.

When I'm an old woman,
you'll be one too
and we'll go out doing
whatever old women do.
We'll laugh at the dark night
and cry in the sun.

Old woman, old woman,
you will be one.
Old, old woman,
I'll be one too.
Just two old women,
that's me and you.

Copyright © 1998-1999 bamaxena writing under the pen name "Liz G. Burton" and revised 2003 bamaxena

Hoping Against Hope, a poem and song for SAC2

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 23:23:58 -0600

Hoping Against Hope is, yes, another poem/song for the XWP ep, SAC2. And it's a good thing there was such an ep as SAC2, or else I might never have written a frakkin' thing, donchaknow! *G* I've never recorded the tune for Hoping Against Hope, but I do have two versions of it in my head. The music for the first version, which I composed back in 1998, sounds hopelessly stupid to me now, so I'm working on a newer, if not better, version now. I like it so far. We'll see. Take a look at the drawing by Paks, drawn especially for the poemsong. :)

Hoping Against Hope, a poem and song for SAC2

The last time we fought together
was the last time I saw you.
We stood and fought for the Greater Good.
What happened then I never thought could.
I still see the look you gave me
when I saw you as you fell.
And my heart stopped as our eyes locked,
then you stepped through the Gates of Hell.

Stars still fill the sky with light,
but I only see Darkness everywhere I turn.
I’m cold tonight but I can’t light a fire.
Still can’t stand to watch it burn.
And I can’t believe you’d leave me,
I can’t believe you’re gone.
I don’t think I can live without you,
you made everything right, now everything’s wrong.

I knew that there was a chance I’d lose,
lose everything, this fight, or my life.
But I really thought we could make it, girl.
Couldn’t have cut me deeper with a knife.
I was hoping against hope then,
now all my hope is gone.
I’m begging you, please, down on my knees,
please wait for me, I won’t be long.

I can’t believe you’d leave me.
No, I can’t believe you’re gone.
But I’ll be there soon, I promise you,
I’ll be there with you where I belong.
I’ll be there soon, I promise you,
I’ll be with you, I swear, before too long.

Music and lyrics, Copyright © 1998 bamaxena

~~ bamaxena ~~

Flawless, a song for Lucy, Conquering

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 20:48:16 -0600

I wrote a song back in the fall when Lucy was on Celebrity Duets, entitled Flawless, a song For Lucy, Conquering. She might not have won the contest, but she certainly won the hearts of countless fans. As if she hadn't won them long before. And the truth is, I didn't actually write it, I sorta improvised it and recorded it while listening to the background music. Then I went back and recorded another vocal over that for the backup part. It ain't perfect, I would never characterize my singin' as flawless. But Lucy? Now, there's a Flawless One if ever there was one. :)

Listen to Flawless: MP3, WMA. Lyrics are below.

We love the Lawless One,
and we love the Flawless One, the Flawless One.
Well, we watched and we waited
and our love will never be sated.

We love it when it when you do
the things that you do,
the things that you do,
ones that only you can do.

And we love the Flawless One.
And we love the Lawless One.

And, oh my gods, did you see her spin on a booted heel, er, I mean a spiked heel! -- and kick the crap outta that microphone stand? My eyes nearly popped right outta my head!

"Abby, didja see that? Xena's -- I mean, Lucy's gonna win Celebrity Duets! How frakkin' cool izzat?!"

"'Course, she is, Mom. Them dern Cylons 've got everything rigged."

"Don't start that again!"

"Okay, I won't."

"Good."

"But they do."

"Oh, stop!"

And she did and we watched the rest of the show together on the couch and thought how wonderful it was to see Lucy having the time of her life and Renee was there and we love them both, don't we, Abby Dawg, yes, we surely do. That we do.

Listen to Flawless: MP3, WMA. Another Incredibly Bad bama Audio Production.

Runaway, a song by bamaxena, for FIN2

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 19:57:50 -0600

Runaway: Lyrics for a song that was improvised, performed and recorded by bamaxena on the night of January 10 2007.

MP3 256mps, MP3 128mps, WMA 128mps.

Runaway, a song for FIN2

I'm gonna run away,
gonna run away today.
Oh, you said you'd never leave me,
I wanted to believe you.
You said you'd be beside me,
I didn't know you lied to me.

I'm gonna run away today.
You can't make me stay,
I'm gonna run away today.
Nothin' you can do will make me stay,
I'm gonna run away today.

I'm burning with desire,
I'm yearning to sit with you by the fire
like we used to,
but I haven't seen you
for a long while.
I miss your smile.

I'm gonna run away today.
I am, I'm gonna run away.
I'm gonna run away.
You can't make me stay.
You can't make me stay.
I'm gonna run away today.

I'm losing this fight,
I want to be with you tonight,
I wanna be with you tonight.

I'm gonna run away today.
You can't make me stay.
I'm gonna run away.
I'm losing this fight.
I long to see the light in your eyes.

Why did you die?

Can't make me stay here.
Can't make me stay here.
Can't make me stay here.

Copyright (C) 2007 bamaxena

Listen to Runaway: MP3 256mps, MP3 128mps, WMA 128mps. Find more bama audio of dubious quality and significance.

The Moment I Saw Her, a poem and song for SOTP

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 19:34:10 -0600

New audio version posted May 3 2007: MP3 256kps 128kps, 96kps, 64kps; WMA 128kps, 48kps.

"Love enters the noble heart through the eyes." -- Gerhard Hauptman. Quoted on numerous occasions by Joseph Campbell, author of Hero with a Thousand Faces.

Joseph Campbell was fond of quoting Gerhard Hauptman as saying: "Love enters the noble heart through the eyes." I like to think that we saw Love entering two noble hearts at a certain moment during Sins Of The Past. And I wrote a poem to honor the moment, the noble hearts and the Love which bonded them "closer than blood ever could."

The Moment I Saw Her...
a poem-song for Sins of the Past

The moment I saw her,
in that moment I felt
flames rising inside me,
fire burning inside her,
saw the blue of her eyes,
saw them flash and I knew
that I had to be with her,
had to leave all and go to her,
knew my life had been changed now forever,
knew we were meant to be together,
heard her soul calling to my soul,
filling my mind and my heart
with but one desire:
to be drenched in her wildness,
consumed by her fire;
knew our lives,
once dead and so empty,
were reborn now,
transformed utterly;
knew Life had brought us near,
Fate had brought us here,
and all that was left to me
was to reach out
and take hold
of my Destiny.

Copyright © 1998 bamaxena

(Audio files removed while I work on an altogether new version for 'em.)

Xena and Gabrielle: Their love was simply meant to be. It was their Destiny!

Listen to the new audio version, posted May 3 2007: MP3 256kps 128kps, 96kps, 64kps; WMA 128kps, 48kps.

About Writing Poetry, first thoughts on writing poems, on being a poet

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 16:29:31 -0600

I wrote a lot of poems in 1998, during the summer in the aftermath of the XWP season three ender, Sacrifice II. So much of my work came out of that same period of writing, a time when every thought I had revolved around or spiraled out from my obsession with all things XWP. And every line I uttered (or that I heard anyone else utter) seemed fraught with meaning and with meter and with messages from the Muse, telling me to grab my quill and capture those words and the images on my scrolls. For me a poem usually begins with an opening line, heard dimly as if spoken softly from afar. Sometimes I hear the cadence first, and am only able to make out the words after playing the rhythm in my mind for some time. I feel the poem first, only sensing the words later. Sometimes much later, but generally within a day or two. Sometimes it only takes a few hours. Sometimes only a few minutes and I write the words down in a white heat, quill scribbling across the scroll in a blur as I hurry to copy it all down before the moment passes and is lost.

Poems such as Nights are for nightmares, Darkest of dark nights, and Beauty had been hers came to me like that. A voice whispering in my ears, an urge burning like fire in my fingers until I staggered to my scrolls and grabbed my quill and copied the words down, as surprised as anyone else to read what I had written when I finished. Writing is often like that for me. The times I struggle to write are never nearly as good as the times when the words flow into and through me from I know not where.

This makes it hard for me to give an intelligible answer when asked: How do you write a poem? What inspires you? In truth, I find the second question much easier to answer than the first. I can be inspired to write a poem by seeing colors in the sky or in a painting, or by seeing images passing on a television screen or by hearing sounds, whether of music played by humans on instruments or by the wind or the thousand sounds going on all around us on any given day. Or by hearing of, or experiencing for myself, any of the ten thousand wounds we receive at the hands of our friends, family and passing strangers. Or the just as numerous kindnesses we receive. Though, to be truthful, I am not generally as inspired to write poetry or songs about the kindnesses. I may blog them and share them with others, to be sure. But I generally am not moved to poetry because of them. And that is how poetry affects me and how the event or what have you that inspires poetry affects me: I am moved to poetry. I am prodded, pushed, shoved to write it. I am ignited to write it. I cannot not write it; I simply must.

And that's the way it is with me with most writing. Almost all of it. If I am not burning to write, then I generally cannot. And that is probably why I have not written more than I have. That, and the sad fact that I once allowed someone to stand in my way of doing the one thing that has the deepest meaning to me, to my life, love for my friends and family and beloved Abby Dawg notwithstanding. Writing poetry and songs, and generally sharing my thoughts in some way, is part of who I am, and I am never more fully human than when I am happily tapping away at the keyboard (or putting together a song, no matter how the audible version pales in comparison to the way I hear it in my head).

Poetry, then, is not something I try to do; is not an artform which I have studied or for which I can claim any special or technical knowledge. Poetry is something akin to the air I breathe and the blood humming in my veins. It is primal and visceral and I cannot imagine a life devoid of it. I do not understand and have never understood those people who so loathed studying poems in school that they hate poetry to this day. I loathed studying poems in school, too, but not because I hated poetry, but, rather, because I hated what happened to poetry in that situation. To hand on a love for something, you must love it yourself. There is no other way. To hand on a mind-numbing hatred for something is, perhaps, a bit easier, and seems to be what many "teachers" and parents are so capable of doing and are doing to those in their care. Lucky for me I've always been hard-headed and in my own little world, oblivious at times to all that was going on around me. Chances are, when anyone is trying to fill my head with stuff and nonsense, I am busy listening to other voices, other sounds...

Reaching for my quill and a blank scroll and hurrying to scribble it all down.

Nights are for nightmares, a poem for SAC2

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 16:00:51 -0600

"Nights are for nightmares" is a poem written for SAC2, or rather, for the aftermath. I really was haunted by that episode, which you can tell by how much writing came out of it, poems, songs, rambling excuses for essays... And a still unfinished piece of fan fic, which, if I do say so myself, had some moments in it which were simply scintillating. And some other moments that were simply strange. And a good many that were both! *G*

Nights are for nightmares...poem for SAC II

Nights are for nightmares,
my arms so empty.
I was willing to give up everything
for you,
but not ...
you.

Nights are for nightmares, so empty.
Haunted by your stare.
Exhausted from days and nights spent
crying for you.
Waiting for you as if you were only
pretending to leave me, to give up all,
to give up...
me...

Pretending

to

fall.

I fall asleep only to reach for you,
wanting to touch you, to hold you.
And I jump to my feet, weapons drawn to defend you
when I realize you’re not there ...
then I realize ...
you’re not there ...

Nights are for nightmares, days become darkness,
my arms forever empty.
Your act of Greatest Love, to save me,
you gave me with your last breath
the sound of your screams to haunt my dreams,
longing for the sweetness of my own death.

Nights are for nightmares,

I...am...
so...
empty...

~~ bamaxena, 1998 ~~

Her Last Scroll, poems from fan fiction, set after SAC2

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 24:00:11 -0600

Herein lies the further telling of the tale
of the Warrior Princess, Xena,
searching for heart, her Bard, Gabrielle.
Rendered as it was found
on an old weathered scroll,
this tale that I tell
is the tale that it told...

Thus opened every chapter of The Look In Her Eyes, my (still) unfinished fan fic. I tend to slide into and out of poetry, the poetic form gliding into lyrical prose and back again, and that certainly happened all through The Look. I'd be in the middle of writing a scene when suddenly I'd realize that the cadence and meter is definitely not prose any more and I surrender to the text's demands.

The poems below are two such cases, both from The Look In Her Eyes. I was typing away in a scene on board a mysterious ship, with Xena descending into madness in a tailspin of despair after the (supposed) death of Gabrielle at the end of SAC2. After a shipboard fight, a certain leather bag had gotten dislodged from its place and a certain scroll had rolled out of it. All of the sailors were terrified of Xena. All except an old man who was rather partial to the warrior -- and the only friend she had among the crew, though she didn't know it yet -- retrieved both bag and scroll and returned them to her. A scroll the bard had written the night before that fateful day in the temple. The last scroll she had written, in fact. And the last scroll the bard ever wrote, she wrote to her beloved warrior. And Xena had not looked at, had barely been able to touch, had not been ready to read that last scroll.

Until now.

The men moved away and filed through the door leading to the hold, where they could talk without her hearing--and without seeing her standing there, a brooding shadow in the darkness.

Xena stood watching the waves. She still held the scroll in her hands. Xena looked at the scroll, ran a trembling finger down the curved edge of the still rolled and tied scroll. She saw a torch where the men had left it, still lit. She walked over to it, brought it back to the shadows, set it in a holder, and it cast its flickering light into the shadows. She took the tie in her hand, the tie so like the tie that bound them. The tie stronger than blood. And stronger than death. She stared at the scroll a long heart pounding moment before she untied it.

And unrolled it.

And read what it said.

<<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>>

Xena,
my best friend,
my family, my home.
My Xena.

There's so much I want to say to you, Xena.
And there's so little time.
If you are reading this,
then there was no other way.
I tried to find another,
but there was only this way.
Please read these words I've written
and hear my voice,
and feel my love,
and know that I'd be with you
if only there were any way.

I'm watching the campfire and praying.
I'm praying the way I always pray
before we go into battle, Xena.
I pray you'll find a way
to win this fight.
I pray you'll find a way
to end our dark night.
I pray that when we fight
for the Greater Good,
that we'll win
and leave
together,
the way we fought,
the way we stood.

If I should ever be given the chance
to live my life over,
if I could see it all in a glance,
I would give up everything again
just to follow you
like I did before.
Just to be with you,
to walk beside you once more.

You're everything I ever wanted.
You're everything I ever had.

Please understand, Xena.
I have the gift of prophecy.
And I have seen what
our Fate holds.
You always laughed
at my visions;
but once, not so long ago
in the not-too distant past,
I told you of a vision,
and you didn't laugh,
you listened.
And you did as I asked.
And my vision
saved your life then.

I ask you now
as I asked you another
time so long ago,
please, Xena, please,
please, don't strike the blow.

Once you owed a debt so great
that you were willing
to give up everything
because of love.
And I lied to you,
I betrayed you,
I almost cost you your life.
Darkest Evil had taken hold in me.
Evil grew in me,
took birth from me,
and now the Darkest of Evils
may enter this world
because of me.

I owe a debt now
that will cost me
everything.
But I cannot let you die, Xena,
I can't live without you,
The world needs you.

I cannot let you die,
my love for you is too great.
I cannot let you die
for a debt I made
in hate.

You'll ask yourself,
Why?

Love is the answer, Xena.
Love...
and forgiveness.

Remember me, Xena,
forgive me.
And remember your promise.

And remember:

Love is why
you must live...

and why I
must die.

With all the love in my heart,
more than words can ever tell,
Your best friend,
your home,
your family,
your beloved Bard,

~~ Gabrielle ~~

<<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>>

She held the scroll in her hands,
and traced the name with her finger.
Felt the parchment in her hands,
and tried to feel the presence of her.
In her words, in the ink on the parchment.

And that was when she saw it.
Up in the corner on the right,
when she held it in the light.
Up in the corner was a little ink stain,
and in the little ink stain
was the print of a thumb
where the bard's thumb had lain.

And that was when
she could no longer hold it in.
And she screamed and she screamed,
again and again.
And the men heard her scream,
as they plotted there below.
And she sobbed.
And she screamed.

And she made their terror grow.

<<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>><<*>>

Riding All Night Through the Land of the Dead, my first song for AITST

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 23:42:08 -0600

Riding All Night Through the Land of the Dead: MP3 256KPS, MP3 128KPS, MP3 96KBS, WMA 128KPS. Okay, I loved SAC2 and I loved AITST, but I did crack up when I saw that Native Thracian Shaman whatever kinda get-up Xena is wearing in that picture over there. And I'm afraid that I've never quite gotten over it. So this is a fun little ditty about Xena's ride across the desert on her horse with no name and her exploration of her native Thracian, Siberian, whatever the hades, roots.

Riding All Night Through the Land of the Dead

Oh oh oh, Heeeeeeey, heeey, hey, hey hey.
I fell in love with her
when I saw her standin' there
with the light in her eyes
and the fire in her hair
Now I'm ridin' all night
through the Land of the Dead
cuz I can't get 'er last words
outta my head.

I fell in love with her
when I saw her standin' there
with the light in her eyes
and the fire in her hair
Now I'm ridin' all night
by the light of the moon
cuz I gotta get back to you
real soon.

Listen to Riding All Night Through the Land of the Dead: MP3 256KPS, MP3 128KPS, MP3 96KBS, WMA 128KPS.

The Other Side, for FIN2, WFC, and IOM, a song in progress

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 02:04:28 -0600

Listen to The Other Side: MP3 256KPS, MP3 128 KPS, MP3 96KPS, WMA 128KPS. This is version one of a song in progress, written with mainly FIN II in mind, but with scenes from IOM and WFC whirling around in my brain too. Lyrics for this version are below. Read the related post at bamaverse.com. I've been working on several projects, including several songs, these last two weeks. And some of the songs are fairly light, so tonight I wanted to work on something a little, well, less light. So here it is, The Other Side, version one: lyrics below, audio links at the top of this post and also after the lyrics.

On the Other Side,
On the Other Side,
On the Other Side,
I'll be waiting
with my arms open wide
on the Other Side.
I'll be waiting
with my arms open wide
on the Other Side.
I'll be waiting, waiting,
I'm waiting
with my arms open wide,
I know, I know that you'll
be here with me soon
on the Other Side.
I know that you'll
be with me soon.
On the Other Side
my arms are open wide.
On the Other Side
I'll wipe away
the tears you cried
on the Other, Other Side.
Please, please wait for me.
please wait for me,
please wait for me,
I won't be long,
I'll be where I belong,
on the Other Side,
on the Other Side,
on the Other Side.

Lyrics and vocals composed and performed by bamaxena over guitar and drum loops.

Listen: MP3 256KPS, MP3 128 KPS, MP3 96KPS, WMA 128KPS.

Short verses composed for the XWP NetForum in 1998

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 01:28:31 -0600

I admit it, I am obsessed with Xena and Gabrielle; with images of darkness and light, with summer nights and starry skies. That's why I used the starry background on the main banners on these sites. The poems in this post are from another kind of star-filled night. Well, a star-filled weekend, actually. It was way back in the summer of 1998 (the summer of SAC2) on the old Universal Studios XWP NetForum when I hosted a festival of poetry called, "Xena Haiku and Any Old Verse Will Do." It was my way of getting more folks to de-lurk and discover the joy of stretching their creative muscles and opening their ears to hear the voice of the Muse. And it worked, to my unending amazement and absolute joy. So many new folks threw off their lurker cloaks and posted and so many of them were very good. Stars were born that night, I tell ya. They kept me busy as I scrambled back and forth from post to post, composing verses, reading other people's poems, and composing answering verses on the fly. It was grand! I'll never forget that weekend. And I hope that some of those folks remember it too. And that they are still listening to the voice of the Muse.

PS: I will add to this post as I discover more of the old poems. I saved most of them...only to lose them when my very first computer was stolen, the one that I posted on the forum with, the one that I built my first site with. And my second computer crashed last year. Let's hope that the third time's a charm with the current one. I don't think I wanna go through that again. Not now. Not after as much work as I've put into things at this point.

1

In the Infinite Ocean
of Universes,
where worlds upon worlds
whirl in their dance
through the Deep Night of Time.
Thou, my beloved,
my beautiful warrior,
in every one of them,
in all Places and Times,
Thou, Warrior Princess...art Mine.

2

At such times as these,
I remember your knees:
how they looked,
how they felt upon my cheeks.

3

I followed you beside the rushing waters,
I swam with you in the raging rivers.
There is no path I did not travel,
There is no path now that I can follow.
No night of stars to follow the morrow,
No end in sight to all this sorrow.

4

I search for you, there's no one here.
Scream for you, but no one hears.
Rage at the night which took you
and left no trace.
And all my fears turn in my stomach
and laugh in my face.

5

I can't bear
to breathe the air
we no longer share.

Song, the Last...a poem for IOM

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 24:47:29 -0600

Song, the Last, from Anthologia (A Garland of Verse) is one of the few things I've written under a different pen name, that of "Liz G. Burton". "Song" was my version of the last gift Gabrielle gave to her Warrior as she lay dying in the Bard's arms in the prison cell in Ides Of March. "Song" epitomizes my view of X&G's deep and everlasting love. A love that knows no boundaries, accepts no limitations, each heart willing to give to, and for, the other, wholly and without hesitation, at whatever cost ... knowing that the kind of, and the depth of, love they share is always and well worth any price. *Sniff sniff* Sorry, I was just reading the poem again while I added some images to it. And now I've gone and made myself cry. *Sniff* I'll be back. Gotta get another box of tissue. *G* I mean, Sniff! bama :)

Song...the last?

My love lies fallen,
lies bleeding in the snow.
I cannot take my eyes off her now,
Her eyes, filled with pain,
filled with fear.

I turn her head gently,
see her eyes look into mine,
and all fear and pain melt away,
the world melts away.
I melt into her eyes
and she into mine.

We lie sprawled on the dirt floor,
beaten and bleeding, trampled,
but not defeated.
Soon we will be Lifted,
soon to soar, souls free,
souls entwined with Love gifted,
together, souls taking winged flight,
soaring to heavenly climes
where neither fear nor pain,
nor even Death can touch us,
but only Love,
Love Living and Eternal.

My Love lies fallen,
Lies bleeding in the snow.
They beat us and push us--
push me and drag you--
across the snow.
The Other half of my Soul
lies fallen and
bleeding in the snow.
The One I love more than Life itself,
who lay bleeding and broken,
is now dragged across the snow.

I love you more dearly than Life
and Love itself.
I'd give anything I have,
anything at all right now
to save you from this.
I'd give my life, my love,
I'd give the whole World, right now
here and now,
to save you from this.
You, who gave me life,
gave me hope,
saved me from a lingering death
in a little village
where I never belonged.
You rode in, stole my heart,
tried to ride away again.
But I stole away.
My parents think you stole me from them,
nothing will ever convince them.
But all you stole that day
was my life, my heart and my breath away.
I couldn't let go of you then.
I won't let go of you now.

I waited my whole life for you,
don't you know that by now?
I took the steps that led to the path,
I took to the road to find you.
I traveled the twisted, winding roads
that have kept me with you.
You gave me love, gave me hope,
gave me Life--
now face we our Death.

Look at me, once more.
Feast your brokenness
upon the Love in my eyes.
Drown me in the Love in yours.
Gods, drown us both
in Love's Fiery Grace.
Arms flung wide,
this life's final Embrace.

When they cut us down,
when they their victory seek,
the only Victory, the only
Triumph they will find
will be not theirs--
but yours and mine.
No one here will they find,
our spirits long fled
to fiery heights,
our starry bed.
In vain their search for us
in our forsaken bodies here,
soldiers filled with hate,
filled with fear.

You and I will walk arm
in arm into Paradise.
Love's own, blest;
our Glory, sweet Eternal Rest.
And you will know
that all hate, all fear,
all longing, all pain
is gone, behind you, past.

And I know that when I
stand face to face
and look in Love's own eyes,
and see clearly,
and not as through dark glass,
the face I will see will be
the One I have long loved dearly,
all our pain forever past,
separate never again,
now truly and fully joined,
Eternally Together
...AT LAST.

The end of the Song
-- and the Lives --
of The Bard and her Warrior...?

Not Nearly The End

Copyright © 1999, 2003 bamaxena writing as "Liz G. Burton"

Rapture and Pain, a short poem for IOM

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 01:04:49 -0600

Rapture and Pain, a short poem for IOM. I had been reading and listening to a lot of Joseph Campbell over the last few years before this episode first aired. Facing, and not only facing, but embracing horrific pain was a constant theme in my reading, listening and thinking. When I saw this scene, something in me was deeply moved. I wrote a few poems for it, including this one below, which happens to be one of the few poems I've set to an image. There is another poem for IOM, a much longer poem, that I will post soon. It has a few images that go with it and I want to work with them a bit first.

Couldn't, a poem for SAC2 and Fan Fiction (The Look In Her Eyes)

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 24:56:36 -0600

Couldn't...from an early draft of "The Look in Her Eyes" inspired by SAC II. I wrote this one for the story The Look in Her Eyes, but it didn't make the final cut. It was originally meant for the moment right after Xena read the Bard's last scroll, you know, the letter Gabrielle wrote the night before that fateful day in the temple. (In my Xenaverse, anyway.)

Well, the poem below didn't make it in, but I couldn't bear to just throw it away. *G* I imagined Xena "pacing around and around," half mad with grief, and I couldn't get that image out of my mind. *G* So I wrote this for her. Oh, and here's how I would perform it, just so you'll know how it's s'posed to sound: I speak the lines reeeeal fast. Or sometimes slower and in my best "Boris Karloff does the Grinch" Dr. Seuss kinda voice. Trust me, the point is to have FUN with this stuff! bamaHAM wouldn't steer ya wrong. *G* (Good gods, this note is longer than the poem! *G*) bama :) (I've got an audio file of this, but it sounds so stupid, I'll have to re-record it. I hate to hear poetry read most of the time. And my own in my own voice is apparently no different...and this note just got longer, didn't it? *G*) bama :)

Couldn't

She couldn't stand up,
she couldn't sit down,
She couldn't stop her pacing
around and around.

She couldn't bear the memory
of the look in her eyes.
She couldn't bear the memory
of the sound of her cries.

She couldn't bear to think
of the fight she had lost.
She couldn't bear to think
of the life it had cost.

She couldn't bear to remember
the words she had read.
She couldn't bear to believe
that she really was dead.

She couldn't bear to remember,
though she'd remember it always.
She couldn't bear to remember
the goodbye in her gaze.

For when the bard stepped in
to defeat her daughter that way,
she took her love and her hope.
She took the warrior's heart and soul
with her that day.

Copyright © 1998 bamaxena, Revised © 2003 bamaxena

Briefest of brief moments, In Memoriam, Mom

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 24:47:36 -0600

Briefest of brief moments: "I cried when I wrote this song..." And every time I read it. I wrote it in honor of my mother on the day she passed away. A couple of hours after she died, as a matter of fact. Our relationship was never without a certain and unavoidable tension; we were different in so many ways. But I did love you very much, Mom. There are so many things I wanted to tell you. "I only wish I could have told you in the living years..." bama

Briefest of brief moments...a tribute

For the briefest of brief moments,
we seemed to connect.
And our hearts and our souls
reached out briefly, so briefly.
Seemed to rise above
dreams and hopes on lies wrecked,
above truths only half-told.

For the briefest of brief moments
we reached out to hold one another
--one daughter, one mother --

and I always did expect
that more moments would come,
when we would hold
each other again, counted on
the fact that there would be more than
the briefest of brief moments,
so brief, too brief...

And now
she is...
gone.

Copyright © 1998 bamaxena

From the original post on the NetForum: I have been sailing the deep ocean of my feelings and emotions for 41 years, and during almost all of that time, my constant companions have been words, spoken, or in books, in ink, on paper. They have been my vessel, my oar, my sail and my rudder. I learned to read and to write at the knee of my mother at a very early age. Thanks, mom. I hope you know how very much your gift has meant to me, and how much I enjoy sharing it with others now.

My mom, who taught me so well, and tried to love me, lost her battle with cancer and sailed away to the Other Side this June 10, 1998 at 9:55am CDST. She will be missed.

Friend, a poem and song for FIN2 and for a fan fiction in progress

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 20:13:17 -0600

Friend, a poemsong for FIN2. And for a tale of the Aftermath. Which at this rate will have to be a musical, cuz I haven't written much prose since I started writin' the music. *G*

Friend

I tried not to try to remember
nights of images, words
and laughter.
But my heart would not let my reeling mind forget.
And that sustained me through all that
came after.

You don't seem to know it,
but you're the Muse for this poet.
Without you, I'd have nothing
to say.
When my world fell apart, you were there in my heart.
I held your memory through the dark night
til day.

I wish I had never hurt you.
Please believe me, I never
meant to.
If I could undo it, you know I would do it,
if only I could just think
how to.

You don't seem to know it,
but you're the Muse for this poet.
Without you, I have nothing
to say.
When my world falls apart, you're there in my heart.
I'll hold your memory through the dark night
til day.

When the world falls apart, you'll be in my heart,
holding me through the dark night
til day.

Holding me through the dark night
til day.

Copyright © 2005 bamaxena

Darkest of dark nights my soul has ever known, a poem and song for SAC2

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 20:09:36 -0600

Darkest of dark nights is a poem and a song for SAC2. The look in Gabrielle's eyes as she defeated Hope haunted me the way I imagined that it haunted Xena during that long summer of not knowing. Not knowing whether Gabrielle lived or died. Not knowing whether she herself could live without her. I wrote several poems for SAC2, for the warrior in her grieving. My dear friend and fellow nutball at the NetForum gifted me with some wonderful drawings to go with my writing. I'll share one of them here with you now.

Darkest of dark nights

Of all the dark nights
my soul has ever known,
this night is the darkest.
This night I am alone.
In my camp, lost, with no home,
no fire burns in this cold night,
in this emptiness with no light.

No one hears my screams shatter
the still dark night.
No one hears when I whisper
Goodnight.
No one breathes softly
on the blanket beside me.
I reach out my hand,
touch the roughness,
coarseness of woven thread,
where once I found warmth,
where once I found softness,
now I find the emptiness
of no one.

No one wipes away my tears,
no one smiles the sun into rising,
bringing an end to this night.
Each day I spend with no one,
bringing me ‘round again
to the darkest of dark nights
my soul has ever known.
In this camp that is no camp,
in this memory of a home,
I sit and wait for a day
that will bring no light,
no light to this dark night,
I am lost and so alone
in the darkest of dark nights
my soul
has ever
known.

Copyright © 1998, 2003 bamaxena

Beloved, a poem and song for FIN2

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 20:00:57 -0600

Beloved is a poem and song for the XWP series finale, FIN2. New audio version: Listen to Beloved Jan 7 2008: MP3 256kps 128kps 64kps or WMA. Listen to the original version of Beloved: MP3 or WMA. More Music by bama.

Beloved

Oh my beloved,
Oh my love,
You are the only one
I'm thinking of.

I'd climb all the mountains,
I'd swim the seas,
If that would bring you
back to me.

Oh my beloved,
Oh my love,
You are the only one
I'm thinking of.

Been four lonely years
since I saw your face.
In my heart no one could ever
take your place.

Copyright © 2005 bamaxena. Lyrics and music composed and performed by bamaxena.

Beauty had been hers, a poem for fan fic, then SAC2, now for FIN2

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 19:57:49 -0600

Beauty had been hers, a poem originally for an as yet unwritten piece of fan fiction, but it turned out to be a poem for SAC2 and later for the XWP series finale, FIN2. In Beauty as a poem for FIN2, I envision Gabrielle once again sitting by her lonely campfire, filled with grief, struggling to find her way in a world where everywhere she turns, she is reminded of the warrior who left her. She writes on a scroll, her hands shaking in the cold, with the intensity of her emotion. Her quill is growing dull from so much writing. But writing is the only way the Bard can deal with the grief that is tearing her heart apart. She tried to write of their adventures. But every time she begins, her mind drifts to the times she spent by the warrior's side, not fighting, not saving villages or worlds or defeating warlords or monsters. But the simple, quiet times, lying on their blanket by the fire, tracing patterns among the stars.

Beauty had been hers

Beauty had been hers,
had slept in her arms.
She could still hear the laughter,
still feel the warmth
of campfires, and long nights,
summer skies filled with stars...
Beauty had been hers once,
had slept in her arms.

Beauty had been hers,
had slept in her arms;
had taught her that life was for giving,
that forgiving was loving;
gave all that she had to her,
gave all this, and more, for her...
Beauty had been hers once,
had slept in her arms.

Beauty had been hers,
had slept in her arms;
had told her she loved her,
that she never would leave her,
and the tie that now bound them
left them freer than it found them...
Beauty had been hers once,
had slept in her arms.

Copyright © 1998 bamaxena

Ballad for Bard & Warrior in G, for SAC2

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 19:53:29 -0600

Ballad for Bard & Warrior in G, a poem (and also lyrics of a song) for SAC2. Balld for B & W tells the tale of Gabrielle's sacrifice at the end of the episode Sacrifice II. I loved XWP already, but with this episode, my obsession climbed -- no, soared! -- to new heights. A lot of poems, songs and a story (unfinished) came out of this. I also lost most of the members of my "real life" family during this period, and it was also the beginning of the end for what was then my longest lasting friendship. A time of upheaval and stress. And never a better time for me creatively. Until now.

Ballad for Bard & Warrior in G

The song that I sing,
the tale that I tell,
tell of the Love of the Warrior
and her Bard Gabrielle.

For the Greater Good
together they stood,
each expecting to die there,
hoping neither one would.

Xena raised the knife
to end Hope’s life.
She knew life was for giving,
thought she was giving her life.

With a mighty cry,
she was ready to die.
Her strong will her fate sealed,
as she made her last try.

Her beloved friend,
stood by her ‘til the end,
to do what she must do
her love to defend.

When all seemed lost,
aware of the cost,
she knew she had one chance
to save the one she loved most.

The cry, torn from her throat
as she lunged for Hope,
shattered the air there
as Xena’s Fate she re-wrote.

Xena couldn’t have been
any more shocked than when
the Love of her life
gave her life for her then.

Of her look as she fell
no words can ever tell,
as Love and Hope
both plunged into Hell.

No greater tale
could I ever tell
than of the Love for her Warrior
of the Bard Gabrielle.

Copyright © 1998 bamaxena

Melody line--key of G

G      G     A  B  D
The song that I sing,

D    E     D  C D
the tale that I tell,

D   D  D    E    D C     D B
tell of the Love of the Warrior

A     B    C     B  A G
and her Bard Gabrielle.

Awake in the darkness, a poem for The Quest

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 19:49:03 -0600

Awake in the darkness, a poem for The Quest. Gabrielle awakens from a dream into a nightmare: Xena has died at the end of the episode, Destiny. Personally, I always think of these two episodes as one piece, Destiny and The Quest. I never think of one without the other, two of my absolute favorite XWP episodes. And even though this is the only poem directly associated with the ep, the influence of Destiny and The Quest pervades my writing.

Awake in the darkness

Awake in the darkness,
this never-ending darkness,
daylight is darkness,
all light is darkness,
and I am alone.
We two became one,
now we are one again,
I am alone again, but not one,
for half of my soul is gone,
gone and will not be back again.
I thought we would be together,
I thought we were meant to be
together forever, always together.
How could you leave?
How can I go on,
when my reason for living
is gone?

I held you as you cried,
I held you as you died.
Now I wrap my arms 'round
this wood, the wood
of this box that surrounds you,
like the cold deadness
that surrounds my heart,
my cold and dead wooden heart,
like dead wood that soon will
decay and rot.

How could you leave me
when you’ve breathed me your breath?
Filled me with love, with life,
now you’ve given me your death?
You were all I could have hoped for,
all that I lived for,
all that I’ll never live for again.
Why didn’t I tell you
all the things I wanted to tell you?
Why didn’t I hold you
the way you needed to be held?
How can you leave me
to live in this Hell?

Copyright © 1998 bamaxena

Ashes to Ashes, a poem for FIN2

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 19:43:28 -0600

Ashes to Ashes is a very brief poem written for FIN2. I was struggling with my own grief right along with Gabrielle. Partly for her, partly for myself. Watching a friendship die is a hard thing to do. Especially when that friend meant everything to you for a very long time.

Ashes to Ashes

Ashes to ashes
dust to dust
as they did this to you
so did they to us
now all the king's men
and all the king's horses
never can bring back
these stars to their courses.

I promised my love
I never would roam
but how can I stray
when I haven't a home
now the fire's all done burning
and the iron's turned to rust
what use all that learning
and yearning to trust?

Copyright © 2003 bamaxena

Ashes, a poem for FIN2

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 19:41:27 -0600

Ashes, a poem for FIN2. Another piece for the Bard in the winter of her discontent. Discontent? That is putting it rather mildly! The Bard's heart is torn to shreds, her soul screams, rages against the dark night. Over and over she has fought to keep the Warrior alive. Over and over the Warrior gave up and gave in, but the Bard was always there to save her, to hold her when the nightmares woke her. To pull her back from the brink when her spirits sank and all she could think of were the horrible sins of her past, the horrors of the life awaiting her after death. Only Gabrielle kept Xena on this side for so long. Then one day even the Bard could not save her. Now the nightmares that haunted the Warrior are nothing compared to the night-and-day-mares that threaten to overwhelm Gabrielle. Written for an unfinished fan fiction set in the Aftermath of FIN2.

Ashes

Once upon our time together
was the only reality for me,
and the dark nights filled with nightmares
were chased away by the love in your arms,
in your voice, in your eyes.
Now that reality is but a memory, a fantasy.
But the nightmare is there
no matter where I am,
no matter what I do,
dreaming I'm awake,
screaming when I am.

Day and night, night after night,
day after day, I am living in a nightmare.
Living that is no living,
trapped in this night-and-day-mare.
And the terrors of the noonday sun
and the horrors of the deep midnight
are but pale and dim reflections
of this darkness that I face
in the absence of your light.

It's not that I begrudge the
hard-won price of your redemption.
You know how much I love you and
you know I want you to be happy.
But, tell me, Xena, tell me, will you,
are you happy, are you fulfilled?
Now that you're redeemed?
Now that you are gone?
Now that all my hopes
and dreams for us
are so much dust,
so much sand,
so much ash like dirt
in this jar in my hand?

Part of me hopes I can
resist the urge to follow you
as quickly as I can.
But part of me thinks that mercy would insist,
that surely love should demand
that nothing in this world or the next
in the way of our reunion stand.
That neither life nor death,
neither lesser nor greater good,
nor highest god nor goddess,
angel, demon or man,
no power on, above or below the earth
should nor would ever come between us.
That no one in this world or the next
will ever take you from me or me from you,
not ever ever again.

Copyright © 2003 bamaxena

Requiem, a poem for FIN2

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 19:37:36 -0600

(Aug 9: Corrected the link to the image) New, Aug 7 2007: The poem verses are now lyrics. Listen to Without A Trace.:MP3 256kps, 64kps. WMA 128kps. Read the lyrics. Listen to more songs.

Requiem is a poem for FIN2. As I've mentioned before, I am haunted by the look in Gabrielle's eyes near the end of FIN2 as Xena fades from view, from her life and into their last shared sunset. It still breaks my heart to see how heartbroken my brave little warrior is in this picture. You can read more about my thoughts and feelings on that subject at the main site.

Requiem

One last time your heart
breaks against mine;
one last time my tears
spill across your face...

One last longing look,
one last shared sunset,
one last warm embrace...

Then you'll leave me and --
one last time --
vanish without a trace.

Copyright © 2003 bamaxena

Reverie, a poem for FIN2

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 19:31:49 -0600

Reverie is one of the poems inspired by the XWP series finale, FIN2. I am definitely haunted by the look in Gabrielle's eyes as her soul mate faded out of her life. Her physicl life, at any rate. We are led to believe, by the scene on board the boat, ship, whatever, that Xena was still present for Gabrielle, if only in her heart. But in my own heart of hearts, I just don't believe that would be enough. Gabrielle would ache with a bone deep ache for the tender touch of her mate on her skin again. Xena's horrible and untimely death broke my heart then and it breaks my heart now to think of my poor grief-stricken brave little Gabrielle, struggling to go on without her. Oh, I'll stop now before I start crying...again. bama :)

Reverie

The last time I saw you,
I didn't know it would be
the last time...
My heart is cold, rent,
ragged as the edges
of this scroll.
Now time passes,
burns the emptiness
into my mind.
Your eyes, voice, your touch --
your memory seared
into my soul.

~~ Gabrielle, Bard of the Broken Heart ~~

Copyright © 2003 bamaxena

Introducing bamaxena's new Mad Warrior Poet blog

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 19:20:47 -0600

Exploring the epic journey of XWP through the poetry of bamaxena. Welcome to the new blog, Mad Warrior Poet, where I'll be posting poetry related (mostly) to Xena: Warrior Princess, my all-time favorite TV show and my number one obsession for many years now. The first batch of poems are posted, and over the next few days, all the poems from the old Universal Studios NetForum (the ones I saved, anyway) will be posted here. I hope to write new ones soon. But you never know about such things, the Muse breathes inspiration wherever and whenever she will, to whomever she will. We'll see. It's only recently that the words have begun to flow again like wine, singing like fire in my veins. I only hope that I can stay out of the way this time and let them surge through me and out my quill! :)

As it is, I have quite a few poems who have been without a home for a long time. Most of these were written specifically for XWP episodes (there be spoilers on those pages, mateys) and provide a deeper glimpse into what Xena and Gabrielle might have been going through, a glimpse not afforded by the episodes themselves, what with the constraints of television production and time. Some of the poems are also lyrics to songs and some of those are posted at the main site. More on the way, I hear new music and songs in my head many times a week. Just takes time to get it all out of my head and onto audio tracks, donchaknow.

So pull up a comfy chair by the fire and warm your bones whilst I pour us up a couple of mugs of mulled cider and fill up a tray of snacks. It's a look at the epic journey from the quill of the mad warrior poet, bamaxena, Xena fans. I hope you'll enjoy your stay, that you'll come back often, and that the gods will smile on you every day of your own epic journey. Battle on, Xenites!